Hi and welcome I have been doing a lot of thinking the last few days , attempting to unravel a few unexpected happenings.
We all have our own way of seeing things, of looking at people and situations and forming opinions based on our perception
which may or may not reflect the reality of a given situation and from this perception, grows an expectation. However it is our personal expectation and may have absolutely no connection to anyone other than our selves
Issues arise when we cannot see that others cannot and do not react as we expect them to, or they do not live up to our expectations
Now this can cause a slight confusion or deep hurt or even an unexplained rift. Then everyone connected to those involved, actually are expected to support one or the other point of view. Opening up the doorways to further pain
So how do we look at a person or situation and suspend expectation?
My goodness the multi million dollar question, if only there was an easy answer, we would all relax and let out a sigh of relief
When we are able to step back a bit and examine our personal perceptions and how they relate to any given person or situation, which I might add can be akin to peeling back layers of skin… there are times when pain is unavoidable. However, again it comes down to whether we perceive the pain ongoing or we resolve to release it and move forward
Bring to mind a situation where you perceived a situation one way, to become devastated to discover no one else did, in fact your expectations where not met. How did it feel, like an attack, like a let down, like betrayal ?
Yes, each and every one of these emotions are a valid response, however try not to get caught up in the blame game… it solves nothing
Although difficult and possibly embarrassing and painful, examine your perceptions and how they created your expectations… take as long as you need, there’s no rush , no judgement, no drama
Remember to set aside any other point of view… examine only yours. it is the only one you are responsible for
Then, sit with the idea that maybe with a different perception , and no expectation, there could have been a different outcome. Rewrite the scenario from an outside point of view, what power games do you see in motion, what is the better or desired outcome for all involved. Just like watching a movie rerun the scenes, viewing them from a different perspective, Has the expectations changed ?
Role playing is a great way of really getting into the nitty gritty of a situation, and allows different perspectives to emerge. Say, for instance you have conflict with someone, if possible have them reverse roles and over exaggerate the personalities and see how it alters your perception
Be totally honest, do not make it a shame and blame, it is about learning to see how we are perceived by others, and how they form their expectations of us
Make a game of it while on the bus or train, focus on a random person and carefully note your perceptions of them, because this is the basis of all judgment. Then examine what your expectations of them are
This can be a very enlightening experience, especially if during future journeys you take the time to chat with the person, you could be in for a few surprises
Not everything is as we visually perceive it… so suspending perception leads to non expectation… which leaves a space for understanding and acceptance to grow